A Reason to Breathe Read online

  He decided to look away as the elevator moved, then smelled something bad. “Oh, that is disgusting. You farted!”

  The elevator stopped, the doors opened, and the woman hurried out.

  His dad rested his hand on his shoulder as he jabbed the button. “Seriously, Trevor, you don’t say that. That was so…” His dad laughed under his breath just as the door closed.

  “But she farted,” Trevor said.

  His dad laughed and then groaned as he ran a hand over his face. “Yeah, she did, but, Trevor, telling her wasn’t cool. In fact, it was so wrong.”

  So what was he supposed to do? “But she farted,” he said again, because he was sure his dad didn’t get it.

  Then the doors opened, and his dad just shook his head as Trevor followed him out of the elevator into a hall with deep green and brown carpet. There were two chairs and a sofa table under a mirror with a vase of flowers. “You say nothing, Trevor. It doesn’t matter. You embarrassed her—and how many times have I told you to keep your hands to yourself? I can’t believe you touched her belt. Seriously, Trevor!”

  His dad pulled open a glass door, and he spotted Jasmine with her mom, and Katy was there, too, in the pink uniform she wore at the hospital. Monday was when she worked at the hospital, he knew.

  “Hi, Trevor. Are you here because of the robbers too?” Jasmine asked. She was wearing a brown sweater over a gray polka-dot shirt. At least it wasn’t orange, although polka dots weren’t much better. He took a seat beside her.

  “So did you ride your horse today?” Trevor asked and looked around her, spotting Katy, who had raised a brow. He knew she was listening to what he was saying, and he waited for her to say something about the question he’d asked. She said nothing, so all must be good, since he’d done his best to pull out Jasmine’s brain file, although it didn’t make much sense to him that she could like things that he didn’t.

  “No, Mondays I clean the tack for my horse. I didn’t get to finish because we had to come here. Are you scared? Because I’m scared. I don’t want to talk to anyone, and Mom said we might have to go to court. There will be lots of people there looking and listening, and I don’t want to talk to them. She said there’s a judge there who sits up on a throne in black and bangs a hammer.”

  He reached over and took her hand. “It’s okay, Jasmine. Don’t be scared.”

  He didn’t know what she was talking about as he saw his dad stand up, and Katy too. A man was there in front of them in a brown suit.

  “Hi, folks. I’m Chet Ordiwitz, the assistant DA. Let’s head back to my office and have a chat, because it looks like this may have been a moot point, bringing you down here.”

  Trevor would just let his dad handle it. He was good at that. He didn’t need to listen.

  “Oh, is this a good or a bad thing?” he heard Katy ask.

  “Depends on how you look at it.” The man laughed. It was a weird snicker that had Jasmine pulling her hand from his and covering her ears.

  “Don’t laugh like that,” Trevor said, jabbing his finger at the man in the suit. “You’re hurting Jasmine’s ears.”

  Everyone was looking at him, but Jasmine pulled her hands away and lowered them to her lap. “Thank you, Trevor,” she said, “for making him stop.”

  15

  It was warm today. The sun was out again after a bunch of clouds had passed over, and he stood outside in his dress pants and good shoes, his blue shirt without a tie. He wanted to look nice as he waited for Jasmine, because they wouldn’t have to go back to the police station. His dad said the robbers had apologized and told the truth. That was good, because that meant he and Jasmine didn’t have to go to that big courtroom she was scared about. He still didn’t know what it would be like, but he thought it was something like the Law and Order show his dad watched.

  He was excited. Jasmine was coming again today, like she did every Tuesday and Wednesday, and Saturdays too. Just not Friday, because those were for her dad, who still hadn’t come.

  Trevor had always known he was different, and he didn’t understand how to fit in, how to be accepted. There were times he’d felt ashamed when he was around someone he didn’t understand. He’d try to pretend he wasn’t different, didn’t have autism—a word he still didn’t understand. Was it a state of mind or who he was? It made no sense. He’d been asked over and over about love, if he knew what it was, by his mom, his dad, and he’d just stared at them strangely, because he didn’t know. Was it a thing, an object? He just never could make sense of what they meant.

  What he did know was he loved it when Jasmine put her arms around him, when she kissed him behind the barn, when she hugged him, and when she leaned her head on his shoulder when she watched anime with him on Saturday afternoon. Not Tuesday and Wednesday night after dinner, because she always read her horse magazines while he went and played video games or watched TV. Sometimes his dad would make him help close up the barn and make sure there was water and such for the animals. He didn’t mind, though, because Jasmine was happy.

  He was happy.

  He spotted the minivan before it pulled in and saw her in the front seat, the big smile, the wave. Then her mom parked, and Jasmine stepped out and lifted her backpack, putting it over her shoulder, because tonight she would stay over. Her mom was going away, and his mom and dad had made Jack’s room up for her. Jack was bunking with Fletcher, not him.

  It wasn’t the first time she’d stayed over, and it wouldn’t be the last. But it was fun. He liked having her there because it was something that worked.

  “Bye, Mom,” she said and closed the door before starting over to him. He took in her yellow shirt, her blue jeans, and the tan shoes with a buckle on her feet. She was wearing the brown sweater, and her hair was loose and in waves.

  “Hi, Trevor,” she said, and he held out his arms and hugged her. He pressed his hand on her back, feeling the back of her bra.

  “You’re here,” he said. “Oh, my dad has a surprise for us, and my uncle Neil is here too.”

  “A surprise, what surprise? I don’t like surprises. They make me nervous. It’s not something bad, is it? Because I wouldn’t like that, and then I’d have to go. Mom is gone now, but she’ll pick me up Monday.”

  “No, nothing bad. Dad is building a cabin we can stay in sometimes. It will be you and me. Do you want to have a relationship with me?” he asked, and she lifted her gaze, and he took in the smile, he thought, and the way she shrugged.

  “I think so. I think I can see how this could work. It would be nice.”

  He walked with Jasmine up the steps and then reached for the door, then pulled it open and let her walk into the house first.

  “But what would we do in a cabin?” she asked, and he looked at her, wondering the same thing.

  “Oh, we can put my new cabinet in there, and a TV and video games.”

  “So just for us? And my magazines?” she said.

  He took in her freckles and could hear his family in the kitchen laughing now. It was getting loud. “And for when you need some quiet,” he said.

  There it was, the smile again, and she leaned in and kissed him before pulling back and shrugging. “Okay. It’s time to watch TV. The news is on,” she said, and she strode across the room to the den where the other TV was, the one he always watched. He heard the TV flick on, and he could smell chicken from the kitchen. It smelled amazing, and his stomach rumbled as he strode in, seeing his family and the food that was being put on the table.

  “Hey, Trevor, heard Jasmine come in. She’s where?” Steven said, walking over to him and then leaning against the counter next to him. He glanced over Trevor’s shoulder and back, holding a beer.

  Trevor watched his mom lift the chicken out of the oven. “Watching the news,” he said. “Oooh, that smells good. I’m having the chicken leg.”

  Steven punched his shoulder lightly. “Not if I get it first!” he said, and then he laughed at him. Trevor knew he was going to have to be first in line to get
that leg.

  A Reason to Be Together

  16

  The only thing Becky Friessen-Campbell knew for sure was that the front wheel was wobbling, and there was a whirring noise that only grew louder when she drove over forty-five miles per hour in the rented blue Toyota Corolla, which kept her well below the posted speed. Unfortunately, it had been the only vehicle the rental company had left.

  Not only was it tiny and uncomfortable, but she’d had to pay nearly double the noted rental rate because the reputable rental company at the Seattle airport had been out of cars. How was that even possible? A tax and accounting convention, they’d said. Regardless, Becky was now driving a piece of junk. She was still choked that she’d been forced to pay the additional amount just because she wanted—no, needed to go home.

  She’d left the ranch where she grew up because that wasn’t the life she wanted, but what had that gotten her? A life in London, a degree from Oxford, an internship with a prestigious brokerage, and a broken heart.

  She knew it was late as she drove the last stretch of the gravel road, her rental car squeaking over the ruts. She was almost there, so close that she was flooded with that sense of home, making her stomach pitch, feeling both sad and elated. How could she miss a place this much when she’d wanted to leave so badly while growing up?

  Everyone would be asleep, she knew, as she pulled down the driveway, pulled in and parked beside a Jeep, and flicked off the lights. There were more vehicles than expected, but she knew that Steven and Katy were still living at the ranch. A quick glance at the dashboard clock told her it was just after one a.m., and the house was dark. Of course, no one would be up, which was just as well, since she didn’t want to tell anyone the reason she was back. She needed time, a good sleep, and then she would figure out what to say. She’d sneak in up to the guest room and climb in bed, then surprise everyone in the morning with the fact that she’d flown over four thousand miles just to say hi.

  Yeah, no, that definitely wouldn’t fly.

  She stepped out of the rental with her cell phone flashlight on to cut through the black of night and quietly opened the back door to pull out her suitcase, then closed it and started up the steps. She remembered all too well the step that squeaked, and she moved around it on the way up to the front door. She had to put her suitcase down as she shone the flashlight in her purse to fish out her parents’ house key.

  As quietly as she could, she shoved it in the deadbolt. Even the click seemed to echo too loud, and she wondered if anyone in the house had heard it. She opened the door and lifted her bag in, then closed it before slipping off her black sneakers in the dark house. She shone the light in, taking in the living room and what looked like new furnishings, maybe.

  This wasn’t the time to be checking the furnishings out.

  She tiptoed to the stairs, shining her light up, and walked up as quiet as she could into the hall, seeing the closed door to her parents’ room and the open door of the bathroom. The guestroom door was closed, which was odd, but she turned the handle and opened it, stepping in, shining the flash. Then she set her suitcase down, closed the door behind her, and flicked on the bedroom light.

  She froze, taking in the lump in the bed. Good God, someone was there. Her heart thumped, and she took in the face of a woman she didn’t recognize, who was now rubbing her eyes.

  “What do you want? Who are you?” the woman said as she sat up. Her eyes widened as she took in Becky. “Stranger! You need to leave…” She started screaming and pointed to the door, and that was when she heard a thump and footsteps.

  She pulled the bedroom door open, taking in her dad coming out of his bedroom, pulling on his robe, and her mom too. Katy and Steven were running from the other end of the hall as the lights popped on, and she stepped out. The girl in the bedroom was still yelling something about a stranger and telling her to get out. Could this get any worse?

  “Becky, what the hell?” Brad said, and his expression went from annoyed to shocked and maybe surprised. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

  “Yup, just me. I’m so sorry! I thought I could sneak in and crawl into bed without waking anyone, but…” She gestured to the open bedroom door and watched as Trevor came out of his bedroom in his Star Wars sleep pants.

  “What’s going on?” he said, then saw her. “Oh, hi, Becky.”

  Her dad pulled her into a hug and squeezed her so tight she couldn’t breathe for a second. Then he let her go and kissed the top of her head.

  “What a way to make an entrance, Becky,” Katy said and yawned as she stood in the hallway in an oversized T-shirt. Her legs and feet were bare, her blond hair a tousled mess.

  “You come here,” Emily said, stepping in front of Brad and pulling Becky into her arms, hugging her.

  “Jasmine, it’s okay,” Katy said to the girl in the guest room. “That’s my sister, Becky, Trevor’s sister. She didn’t know you were sleeping in here, but go on back to sleep. It’s fine.”

  Trevor closed the guest room door for Jasmine, who was already lying back down, and then promptly disappeared into his own room, leaving the rest of the family crowded in the hallway.

  “What in the world are you doing here?” Emily said as she stepped back, rubbing her arms and taking a minute to see all of her. “Why didn’t you tell us you were coming, and how did you get here?”

  “And Tom, where is he?” her dad asked.

  She took in Steven, who still looked half asleep, bare chested, wearing a pair of jeans as he leaned against the wall and just lifted his hand in a wave to her with an odd smile, because everyone else was talking.

  Then Jack came out of his bedroom, his dark hair curling around his ears. “What’s going on? Becky?”

  She lifted her hand. “Yup, me, and I see I managed to wake up the entire house when that was exactly what I was trying to avoid. Sorry about that…”

  Katy had slipped back into the spare room and was talking with the girl. On her way out, she picked up Becky’s purse and suitcase and brought them out of the bedroom before flicking off the light and closing the door.

  “And who is that I woke up?” Becky gestured, at a loss. At the same time, she wasn’t keen to answer anyone’s questions, because what could she say? She hadn’t been expecting to have to answer anything at this time of night. She’d thought at least she would have until tomorrow, after a good night’s sleep, or whatever was left of the night. Now that was out the window, as she was suddenly maneuvered to the stairs.

  Her dad took her suitcase from Katy and carried it down the stairs, and she followed. She could hear everyone behind her, the lights flicking on as they went.

  “No one has answered me about who that was who I evidently scared the crap out of in the spare room,” Becky said.

  Her dad took her suitcase into the den, gesturing to Emily, who slid her arm around Becky’s shoulder. Katy grabbed a blanket on the back of what she now realized was in fact new living room furniture, a deep blue loveseat, a leather recliner, and a matching sofa and two light wing-back chairs by the window. Katy wrapped the blanket around herself and sat on the loveseat, pulling up her bare legs. Steven sat on the arm beside her.

  “That was Jasmine, Trevor’s girlfriend. Long story…” Katy gestured vaguely, likely at the shock on Becky’s face, as her jaw slackened.

  “You didn’t answer us, Becky,” Emily said. “Not that we’re not happy to see you, but you didn’t tell us you were coming. Let me look at you. You cut your hair! Wow, it looks great, but you’re too skinny. You’re not eating.” Her mom was in a silky gray and white robe and had her hands on her shoulders.

  “Mom, seriously, stop fussing. Besides, you can feed me, and I promise I’ll add a pound or two while I’m here.”

  She spotted her sister rolling her eyes, likely over their mom’s fussing.

  “So where is Tom?” Her mom looked to the door just as her dad came back in the room, barefoot, his bare legs showing from under the black robe that stopped just
past his knees.

  “You’ll have to bunk in the den tonight, on the sofa,” he said. Then he glanced from her to her mom and then over to the door. “So where is Tom?”

  Becky then shrugged as she stepped back. “He’s not here, not coming.”

  Her dad appeared confused. “So you decided to just fly back here without a word to us? London isn’t exactly the next town over.”

  Here it was, the answers they wanted.

  “I wanted to see my family, so I flew back here—alone,” she added and took in the way Katy raised a brow as if there was more. They seemed to all look at one another as if flying over four thousand miles for an impromptu visit was odd. Okay, maybe it was, but it was nothing she wanted to get into right now.

  “So is this a short visit or something longer?” her dad asked.

  Again, she was going to shrug, and maybe he knew, as he raised a brow. He knew her so well. “I don’t really have a set date. Is that okay?” she said. She felt her mom’s arm around her again.

  “You stay as long as you want,” Emily said. “You know we miss you and don’t like the distance, but now I’m starting to wonder if something is wrong. Is everything fine between you and Tom?”

  Her dad had stiffened, and he was watching her with that gaze he leveled on his children when he knew there was way more to a story than they were sharing. He hadn’t changed. Boy, had she missed her family.

  She shrugged, and she knew they were waiting for something more, so she pulled in a breath and stepped away from her mom, pulling her arms over her chest, looking from her mom to her dad and then over to Katy and Steven.

  “I left him,” she said, “because he’s cheating on me.”